We need it. We know it can work. Can we see it through when it gets hard?
What if we anchored to an ROI of Relational Outcomes & Impact as the essential ingredient for actual return on investment?
2 core elements of successful collaboration are relationship management and decisive table setting. This is not a groundbreaking statement. But the how of this work doesn’t seem to get the same level of attention, i.e., the behaviors and difficult choices that are necessary for long-term sustainability and impact.
The Invisible Labor of Relationship Management
Challenges (which can be yet to be realized opportunities), can sometimes seem like they are in an endless supply. It can be a pretty lonely place if you are tasked with single handedly solving for said challenge. Frankly, our thinking may not be as robust if we do not have close collaborators to lean on.
And how do you get those close collaborators? Not unlike our best personal relationships, collaboration is an investment. It requires continual feeding. It is taking turns. It is developing a firm basis of trust so when you do hit the inevitable speed bump(s), you navigate it as smoothly as you can without sustaining permanent damage. It is sharing success but also allowing others to shine. And it is saying no to relationships that consistently take more than give.
It is purposeful. It is intentional. It requires an investment of time, patience, and strategic follow-up. Yet, internally this work is not something we capture as a KPI or brag about in annual reports. We rarely include this as a “performance management” goal and may even incentivize employees to prioritize individual metrics over the collective.
We don’t notice it when relationships are going well but we feel it acutely when they are not. Think of a time when the work stalled because on paper—what a kick-ass strategy!--but in practice, the people piece was in disarray.
Your best relationship managers may not be able to quantify it neatly (not everything that counts can be counted…) but they are crucially central to the internal and external success of the organization and respective strategies.
The best relationship practitioners:
Internally: prioritize the enterprise over the department
Externally: work for the collective mission/agenda versus their own organization’s mission/agenda
Listen more than they talk
Use more “we” language than “I” language
Make space for underrepresented voices and/or overlooked talent
See beyond hierarchy and titles
Center others over self
Tend to power dynamics and share
Follow through: make regular check-ins and follow-ups a priority
Do not shy away from hard conversations
Setting the Table: Cooperation is Not Collaboration
A key distinction here- showing up to meetings in not collaboration. At best it may be cooperation, which is tactical. Collaboration is rooted in the relational and oriented for the long-term. There will be times when cooperation is a component of what is needed but it should not be conflated with what collaboration is in practice.
So often in the social sector, people come to the table when a funding opportunity presents itself. Suddenly and magically missions and strategies neatly align in order to submit a compelling request for funding. If the application is successful, then work actually needs to occur. Paul Schmitz, a leader in Collective Impact and cross sector collaborations speaks to the wrong people at the table : “Too many collective impact initiatives try to fit the work to the partners instead of the partners to the work.”
Where does the requisite relational aspect of true collaboration then happen? When things get hard, where is the foundation to lean on? If there is zero balance in your social capital bank, then you are making withdrawals you cannot cover.
In one of my roles, doing deep place-based neighborhood work, we had a core group of cross-sector stakeholders and community members. We spent at least 2 years getting to know one another, co-creating strategies and pilots, and learning the language of one another’s respective sectors. We did not start our relationship because of a grant opportunity.
In fact, we turned down a funding opportunity, knowing it simply was not the right fit and would distract us from what we knew would eventually be better investments. That strategic patience and due diligence led us to a more sizable grant with more exposure across the state. And when we hit not just speed bumps but seemingly intractable moments that would rock any collaboration, we paused. Reflected. We gathered ourselves and made Plan Bs, Cs, and sometimes Ds.
We came into that funding opportunity as a solid team, with aligned goals. We knew what our respective strengths and contributions were and could be. We worked in service to the neighborhood, not our individual missions. Crucially, residents were the leads and experts, and co-creators and partners.
The Long Game
If we are to continue our desire to address seemingly intractable issues that deeply impact our communities, we have no choice but to collaborate. And do the work necessary to ensure we are an educated, reciprocal, and effective partner.